It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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