My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
