"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
