Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
