He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
