so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
