woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
