oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
