I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
