I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im holly from the hills drunk
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have aggressive nipples.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize