My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
