So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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