Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
