We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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