she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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