look no pants
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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