the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
