I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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