There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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