Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Congratulations! We have a period
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
