Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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