he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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