i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
