have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
