Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
