Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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