just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
