So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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