i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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