Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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