Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
