my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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