Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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