One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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