he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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