Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
