Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize