Dignity is for republicans.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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