My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
