in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize