her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize