just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
