Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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