you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
