talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
did i walk over a car last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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