Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
