I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
