it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
