im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
