You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
