remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
