It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
