So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
