Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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