I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize