she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
