Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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