remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't just leave with hair like that
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
